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Empowering Women to Live and Lead with Confidence

Positive Treasures interview with Declan Meehan East Coast Radio announcing East Coast Ladies Empowerment Group

Check it out – Ignite your Confidence & Self Esteem women’s empowerment seminar starting in Dublin this week ! Places running out fast! Reserve your spot now Meetup

Move over Fear – Courage approaching

Is Fear holding you back? Step out of your own way!

 “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?”
Marianne Williamson – A Course in Miracles
(and quoted by Nelson Mandela as part of his inauguration speech in 1994)

 There are two great forces in life – fear and love. Fear is anything that weakens your spirit. Another name for fear is anger, frustration, jealousy, self doubt. Love on the other hand is everything that lights you up – it’s joy, generosity, contentment and it lives with you. Unleash the flow of love and let the miracles begin. So many of my clients have fear as the root cause of being stuck that I have designed a course around it – check out my course on Overcoming Fear with Courage.

We are born with fear – yes fear has always been there – back to the cave men and women who lived on instinct and emotions. They knew survival and how to hunt, eat and fight.  They knew very little else! Our bodies reaction to fear is the same whether we are faced with a physical or emotional threat. What happens is that the brain releases chemical messengers in the form of adrenaline which triggers the “fight or flight” phenomenon.  This happens whether the threat is real or perceived and gets stored in the long term memory. Every living creature is capable of this response as they need to have it inbuilt to protect them in times of danger. Its a really good thing usually as it helps us react very quickly in order to survive the danger we are in. With this response we can react quickly and effectively and stay alive!

Fear’s number 1 job is to guard you against any negative feelings that would confirm your worst fear – that you are not good enough which sadly perpetuates your inability to accept yourself. Yet deep down we want to own our power and strength and courage.  Fear is the gatekeeper of your comfort zone. Fear keeps us “SAFE” when there’s a danger of not being accepted, approved or understood.

Throughout our life we add to the list of real and perceived threats born of experience. We run away from the danger of being failures, of being ridiculed, of being rejected, of being played for a fool.  Let’s take a child who accidentally touches a hot iron. The immediate response is pain and will invoke the emotions and howling!  There will be a clear understanding that this thing hurt and won’t touch it again.  In the same way, as adults, we don’t want to risk being burnt emotionally. Every negative experience, however, fleeting can be a lesson in fear that is well learned by our subconscious mind.  Fear has been with you all along, filing away all the hurt and heartbreak and flashes warnings to tell you “don’t go there. Don’t do that; don’t say that. You could potentially experience rejection, disappointment or the feeling that you are foolish. Too dangerous! Our instinct then is to protect ourselves.

Generalized fears, the kind not resulting from an immediate survival threat, work on our psyche in a powerful way making it exceedingly difficult to separate fact from fiction or opinion. Remember when the recession first hit and we all thought about stashing our cash under our mattress? And the outbreak of bird flu and mad cow disease? No-one would eat beef for fear of being poisoned.  And then there are all the micro level fears we face every day. What if Mary doesn’t get enough points in her final exams? What if John’s business fails? What if that pain in Mum’s tummy is something more serious?

Some tips on managing your fear:

  1. Trust yourself you know what makes your heart sing. It’s all about asking the right questions. Check out my course on clarifying what makes your heart sing.
  2. Identify your Fear. You cannot overcome or move through your fear if you don’t recognize it as such. You can blame someone else, you can call it impossible or you can just admit that you are afraid. Once you admit that fear is operating, you can begin to change it.
  3. Recognise your inner thoughts.  The vast majority of people no matter how confident they appear to be, harbour paralysing fears that lurk beneath the surface of their psyches.  Gain understanding from the fear. What am I basing this fear on? Choose to see a deeper truth. We experience fear when we believe the lies that our ego is telling us. We believe what we have accepted as truth either consciously or unconsciously. What do you believe as true?
  4. Don’t feed the mind monkeys!
  5. Challenge yourself to have the courage to face the fear. Fear doesn’t know you are an adult who craves adventure and love and fulfilment. That’s why it takes great courage and often a crisis to show your fear who’s boss! When we become aware of how fear is running our lives and what our fears are, we have the power to break free of our conditional and make choices about how we behave.
  6. Analyse the risks of consequences and actions.
  7. Commit to Courage. The more you try to suppress or numb your fear, the stronger its hold on you. Even if you’re not consciously feeling it, you may find yourself rationalizing that your dream isn’t worth the effort or isn’t what you really want anymore anyway. 10 is made up of ten 1’s. So is Courage built one success at a time.  Remember parachutes weren’t proven trustworthy by having people carry them around on their backs. The device showed its worth once someone jumped!
  8. Stop being critical and putting others down. Our fear of making mistakes is tied to a fear of being judged, ridiculed and criticised.
  9. Practise building courage. Courage is like a muscle; it can be strengthened and developed through consistent training.  To become/be courageous is not an easy feat, especially when it has been a part of your character to run and bolt under pressure.
  10. Develop thick skin and don’t let the words of others affect you. Remember that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. It’s not what they say to you that’s the problem it’s what you say to yourself after they have stopped talking that’s the problem. I have a course on Confidence & Self Esteem Boost your self-esteem – have your needs met.
  11. Don’t be afraid, you’ve got nothing to be afraid of.
  12. Just watch the reaction on faces after you’ve said it the first time and there will be no going back.
  13. Practice saying “no” and do not give a reason.  Often we feel we have to justify saying no.  Just say “no thank you” and leave it at that.
  14. Practise Graciousness. What you give out comes back to you three-fold! Celebrate others success and your own.
  15. Take Action – Take small steps toward what you’re afraid of; you don’t have to do it all at once. Each of us has a different level of risk tolerance. You need to honour that and, at the same time, push yourself slowly out of your comfort zone. Each step you take will prepare you for the next and the next. If you struggle with your goal setting check out my course Little Goals Big Results.

Personal Development coaching is all about taking control of the areas of your life and transforming the limiting thoughts, beliefs and fears. Being aware of how your thoughts are driving you about life, money, people and making change empowers you and your experiences alter.

 

Goals – Intention and Attention

same old thinking same old results

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Every day you decide if the world will help or harm you – this intention is the lens through which you see the world. Being intentional means you are purposeful in word and action and intend to live a life that is meaningful and fulfilling to you through the thoughtful choices you make every day. There are many ways to be intentional like discovering who you really are and the choices you make, embracing imperfection, being present and not judging yourself.

    At the core of each of your dreams is desire and self belief. You can have the best of Intentions, however, if you don’t pay Attention your intentions fade away and you are left with a feeling of failure and a dent in your self-belief. Responsibility begins and ends with you. Others can help – if we do not take a firm inner decision that we want change nothing will happen.

    Willpower, motivation, self control are words that are bandied about to “help” you achieve your goals. The fact is that no matter how much motivation, willpower and self control you build up, there’s only one way to truly reach your goals, surmount a challenge, or stick to New Year’s resolutions: break them down into small, actionable steps that are SMART.

    SMART Goals are goals that you believe you can achieve
    Specific (the more specific you are the easier your goal is to achieve)
    Measurable (so you know when you have achieved it)
    Action-oriented (ie. you can DO something about it! Is it within your control? Ie. Winning the lottery is not a “SMART” goal)
    Realistic (Goals need to be both challenging to inspire you AND realistic so you set yourself up for success)
    Time-Bound (has a deadline)

    Once your goal is set – there are steps and choices that need to be made daily so that you can achieve your intended outcome. If you believe, feel and visualise having a successful outcome it will happen. I followed this precise process to allow me to start my own business – when others didn’t believe I could do it, I knew I could. I’ve had several bumps because that’s life – but I know this is my life purpose and I visualised myself here in this moment doing what I’m doing now. Of course there will be gremlins – you know that voice in your head that scorns you and tells you you’re not good enough? Then there are those people around you who feed that thought! Surround yourself with positive people as positive mindset, intention and attention are vital throughout each step of the process.

    “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.”
    ― Henry Ford

Choosing New Year’s Resolutions that will work!

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At this time of year, I start thinking about making my New Year’s Resolutions – we all think about things we want to change that haven’t been working.    Many New Year’s resolutions are centered on personal performance or appearance goals. But here are a few of my most common New Year’s resolutions that get made year after year – but are forgotten just as quickly.

  • I want to lose weight so I will go on a diet (I did that last year and have gained 5lbs);
  • I want to start going to the gym three times a week (and I currently don’t go at all);
  • I want to eat healthier (I currently eat takeaways at least twice per week);
  • I will live within my means (What can I say? I am spending 20% more than I earn).

So what can anyone do to change this frustrating cycle?  If you were to turn these around so that the focus is on you and we dig deeper together – the goal of “I want to lose weight” would change to something like:

I would like understand why I haven’t been able to lose weight so that I can set myself up for success.”  

Even though you may have tried lots of diets this year, you may not have been able to lose weight.  Your internal dialogue may turn even more negative:

I’ve realised that when I am stressed or bored I eat.  I try to diet and then beat myself up when I fail (again).  This makes me feel bad about myself so I eat more and the vicious circle starts all over again.  My thoughts become negative and I start telling myself that I have no willpower, I’m hopeless at dieting; I only last a week or two at the gym.” 

What you want to avoid is getting to a place where your efforts boil down to defeat:

I’ll never lose weight, what does it matter anyway if I don’t?”

STOP!

Know WHY you are making your resolution. Clearly identify your intentions behind why you want to make any of your resolutions. This includes: knowing the reasons why, what is the desired outcome, and exactly who does the resolution serve. This can be done by taking the time to have a good internal talk about every resolution you make, or asking someone to help you with the conversation.

When Michelangelo was asked how he carved the statue of David, he said:

“I simply cut away everything that was not David.”

In the past ten years, experts have learned a lot about how we make and break habits, and nine times out of ten we go about it the wrong way.  In order to change your behaviour for good, a mindset change is needed.  Instead of automatic negative thoughts turn it around so that you tell yourself, “I am a fit and healthy person who makes good food choices and exercise regularly every week”.  A mindset of believing in yourself right now, as opposed to self-fulfilling prophesy allows you to reinvent yourself as a stronger more positive person.

Before putting pen to paper this year, learn how to identify resolutions worth making and keeping. Join us on January 29th for a fun interactive workshop on this topic http://www.meetup.com/Positive-Treasures/.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.” Henry Ford

Journey to a Better Life

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“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” ― Oscar Wilde

Empower Self

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“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” ― Leo Tolstoy

E-courses: Reskill the mind

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

Retreat to Heal and Grow

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“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching, Love like you’ll never be hurt, Sing like there’s nobody listening, And live like it’s heaven on earth.” ― William W. Purkey

Coaching for Positive Change

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“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

Welcome to Positive Treasures

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I am so excited to start my coaching business and let 2014 take off to a flying start.

At its core, coaching is about helping you discover who you really are, what you really want in life and how you can go about achieving it in the most authentic and personal way.

I discovered coaching more than 10 years ago and it was life changing for me. I went to see someone to sort out my work / life balance.  Over a short period of time, I found that through the tools and mentoring I received from my life coach, I was able to explore all areas of my life and over time made some very big decisions like taking a year off from work to get back in touch with myself.

I was drawn to coaching and was unconsciously coaching in my career and with friends and family.  It was so wonderful to become a coach and gain the expertise to provide this service.  I finally knew what I wanted to be when I grew up at 50 years old!

Welcome and I look forward to helping you in the not too distant future.